hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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