I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
