Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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