She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
