It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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