My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize