You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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