If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
