i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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