I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
