Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
