would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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