some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
