Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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