I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
