You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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