I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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