If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
