Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i've created a new STD.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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