I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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