Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
