he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
