sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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