just come out here and I will go home with you...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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