Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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