yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
