if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
