i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
