If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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