I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize