Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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