i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
