I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
me + whiskey = a bad person
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
