There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
