I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
