I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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