dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
