So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
