do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
