I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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