His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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