i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize