I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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