My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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