So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
