D3 body, D1 cock
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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