her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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