it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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