I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
