at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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