This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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