that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize