Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
