apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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