i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
