the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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