Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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