So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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