And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
