Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
