I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
