That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
