This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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