This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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