what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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