You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
