shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i think i just lost a toe
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
