im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
