around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
