I wannas sexs uuuuu
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
