i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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