it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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